4 February 2002
ISO: a Discussion Board with Actual Discussion

I need to dump all of the mbs and mls that I post on now and move somewhere else. Someplace where people actually talk to one another. (Suggestions?) I was browsing through a few of them today, and I realized that there's little to no real discussion on any of them. All of the threads follow a pattern where one person will post his or her thoughts on a subject, and others will post their thoughts on the same subject, but there's hardly any back and forth conversation. And when there is a little conversation, it's just two people with the same opinion patting one another on the back. On those rare occasions when someone challenges another person's statements, the challenge is not met. So instead of intelligent group discussion, we have individual pontification.

What's the point of having message board or a mailing list if all you're going to do is spout off your own opinions without listening to those of others? Get a blog, for God's sake!

Which reminds me, I need to archive.

29 January 2002
Actual Conversation

Id: Rrg! I'm grumpy!
Ego: Why are you grumpy?
Id: Shut up!
Superego: That was mean.
Id: You shut up, too!
Ego: Are you grumpy because of something in particular?
Id: Who knows? Who cares? Rrg!
Ego: Are you grumpy because of...the countless hours you've been pouring into the internet?
Id: Internet? Cool! ... Evil!
Ego: Okay, then. We all know why the internet is cool. Why are you associating it with evil?
Id: Evil!
Ego: I see. Could it be because you have expectations of it that aren't being met? Is that why you think it's evil?
Superego: I would just like to interject here that the internet is merely a tool...an inanimate object to which neither the classification of good or evil can be ascribed. Please don't be assigning a moral value to it. For, as we know, any tool can be used for good or evil. Sometimes you use it for good. Sometimes you use it for evil. Really, if you don't--
Ego: Oh, will you shut up for a moment here? I'm trying to reason with the Id.
Id: *sob*
Ego: It's the fanfic, isn't it?
Id: RRGGGG!!!
Ego: I see. Let me guess, you're feeling grumpy about not getting what you want out of it.
Id: Me? ... ME!
Ego: I'm sensing that you're focused on yourself. Okay, so the source of your frustration must be related to something that you want for yourself. I'm guessing...LOTS of super duper gushing feedback that appreciates all of the little details. Right?
Id: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ego: *momentarily bowled over* Wow. That was pretty powerful.
Superego: What the fuck?
Ego: *recovered* Ah, okay. I get it. We want to be loved and adored and appreciated.
Id: i m teh kwelst
Superego: What the FUCK???
Ego: So when we posted our stuff online, we wanted something that we didn't get and that's the source of the frustration.
Superego: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! First: who says you have a right to, or even deserve, love and adoration? Second: why on earth should you care?
Ego: Dude, chill. Id likes to overreact. We don't *really* care that much.
Superego: But even so. It's still HIGHLY selfish. I'm ashamed of you!
Id: Shut up!
Superego: No, *you* shut up!
Ego: Guys! Geez. Now, I'm also sensing that there's more than grumpiness in there, Id.
Id: *sob*
Ego: Aww! You're feeling unworthy.
Id: Suckage.
Ego: Because you can't get shit done. AND because you're violating a lot of the fanfic principles you hold near and dear.
Id: *sob*
Superego: You realize, of course, that your self-pity is incredibly juvenile. I'm very disappointed in you.
Ego: Look, if you don't have anything constructive to add, just be quiet. Anyway, Id, the situation, as I see it, is basically that you put something up there for the whole world to see. Now, you're down on the quality (or lack thereof) *and* down on response. On the other hand, you're well aware that you're just doing this for your own personal amusement, so public response and the overall quality (or lack thereof) shouldn't matter one iota. But by posting the stuff, you've made yourself believe that it does. Now. The question is, what do we do about this?
Superego: Simple. Take it down. For a little bit, at least.
Id: Kill 'em all!
Ego: That works. We can re-negotiate later.
Id: Kill everyone! Death from above!
Superego: Now, now. We mustn't inflict our private struggle upon others.
Id: Back off, ho!

And people wonder why I have problems getting anything done....

21 January 2002
Buh-Bye, XF

So we all know that this will be the last season of The X-Files. Since this was the show that introduced me to fandom and my first ever appointment television, I figure I ought to say a few words about this.

Thing is, I don't really have that much to say beyond "Meh."

Wh-aaat? Hello? "Meh" from a long-time Phile? "Meh" from someone who actually kinda enjoyed Season Eight and a smattering of Season Nine? Someone who absolutely adores Doggett and will argue to the death that his character is not meant to replace Mulder, by virtue of the fact that their characters are fundamentally different? Shouldn't I, as a Doggett fan, be upset that the show is ending? Shouldn't I, as a long-time fan (there's a contingent on the internet calling themselves "classic" fans because they hatehatehate Seasons Eight and Nine, but, dammit, I'm a goddamn classic fan, too, because I liked the show way back in the day), be glad that the show is finally being laid to rest?

No. Because, at the end of the day, it's just a show.

Let us explore the history of my relationship with XF. I started watching back in Season Three. It took a few episodes, but it eventually hooked me. The stories were bizarre, the theme was dark, and I adored Mulder and Scully. I adored Mulder/Scully. Oh, how I cringe as I type this, but yes, back then, I was a die-hard 'Shipper. The scary kind. Somewhere along the line, I heard that folks were discussing the show on Usenet. So, I hoped on my parents' AOL version 2.0 (or whatever it was in 1995) and found alt.tv.x-files and my gateway to online fandom. I hunted down sappy MSR fanfic, which wasn't too hard, because it was just about the only kind of XF fanfic back then--oh yes, I remember the creation of Gossamer and the gradual evolution of XF fanfic from quick little "Mulder and Scully finally get it on" brain farts to brilliant, vicious, gripping novels. I bought those little light-up keychains that had "The Truth is Out There" written on them. I bought posters of Mulder, posters of Scully, and posters of Mulder and Scully. My God, I even bought "The David Duchovny Files."

Confessions of a teenage fangirl. Scary, isn't it?

Season Four rolled around, and I went off to college. I ended up in a dorm full of wonderful gals, many of whom loved the show the way I did. We met every Sunday night in the dorm tv room to watch the adventures of our favorite FBI agents. We ran out to the video store to rent the Seasons One and Two tapes the instant they were released. We rolled our eyes as the bees were introduced to the mytharc, chuckled when Skinner became Mr. Clean, and sniffled whenever Scully got a nosebleed. And then came the Season Four finale ("Gethesemane") wherein Mulder supposedly shot himself, and I was left in the tv room thinking, "God, that was dumb." I mean, who would honestly believe that Mulder would kill himself, hmm? (Well, okay, several nimwits on the Wellesley SciFi bulletin were seriously concerned, and I had some fun playing with their minds about that... "You mean you haven't read the press releases? Duchovny's leaving!")

When Season Five rolled around, I found myself in the dorm tv room, but, the thing was...I was there because I wanted to be there with my buddies. Somewhere between the end of Season Four and the beginning of Season Five (I think it was during the "Gethesemane" closing credits), I stopped caring about what happened on the show. The fangirl was dead. Well, perhaps not dead, but mutated into a calmer beast, one that appreciated the show more for the fanfic it inspired than the episodes themselves. As the fifth season wore on, I stopped trying to understand the mytharc (but really, could anyone?) and I got a little bored with Mulder and Scully. Sure, they were still brave and hot, but the characters didn't really seem to be going anywhere. Then, in Season Six, aka "The Fanfic Season," the last of my Shippiness died. I just didn't want to see any more Mulder/Scully cute moments. Did I cry? Did I grow bitter? Did I go online and scream that Chris Carter had betrayed me? Naaaah. I just stopped watching. I kept reading fanfic, oh yes, we love fanfic, but I stopped watching the show.

Why the fanfic? Because it could go places the tv show really couldn't. It could make Scully a bitter, angry, vengeful warrior determined to regain control of her body. It could make Mulder truly psycho and less goofy than he was onscreen. It could portray their relationship as a complicated morass of love, hate, need, and desperation. These were all things that were immensely satisfying, yet, for various reasons (primarily business ones) could not be portrayed onscreen.

I mostly ignored Season Seven, though I watched with my buddies because I enjoyed the thrill of MSTing the eps with them as we watched. Then Scully said, "I'm pregnant," and we all went, "WH-AAAAAAT? NOOOOOO!!!!" and I didn't bother watching the first half of Season Eight. I never understood the folks online who did (and still do) scream that CC had betrayed them (wtf? "Betrayed?" That's something people do to people they know, and it involves emotional and/or physical harm. If you feel betrayed by a tv show, then you've got serious problems. Go meet some real people, and, for god's sake, turn off the tv!). I mean, I had been a raving fan, but I grew uninterested and moved on to better things. Why would I waste my time

Ah, but I understand why folks scream that CC and 1013 have betrayed them, and that they deserve better than what they were given: gross misinterpretation of their own inherent worth. WhatEVER.

But one Sunday in Season Eight, I turned on the tv and found myself entertained for an hour by this new guy, Agent Doggett. It wasn't the same crazed psycho adoration that I'd had for the Mulder and Scully of the first four seasons, but it was a feeling of affection for a character who would keep me entertained well enough. So I watched the rest of Season Eight, and I've been watching some of Season Nine, and it keeps me amused. The show didn't go in the direction I'd have taken it in (first, I'd get rid of the damn baby and give Scully her brain back...and then I'd go erase the entire mess that was the mytharc), but I wasn't the one in charge, and it didn't cost me anything to have things not go the way I wanted, so, meh. And now the show is ending. It's not the way I might have wanted it to end, but, again, I'm not the one in charge, and it won't hurt me in any emotional, mental, physical, or financial way to have things not go my way, so, again: meh. Until May (or April or whenever the finale is), I'll spend an hour every Sunday night being entertained by a tv show, and once it's over, it'll be over. Because, no matter how much I loved the show years ago, in the end, it turned out to be just a show. Did that cost me anything? Did it hurt me in anyway? Hell no. And if it had, I'd be checking myself into a mental institution.

So good-bye, XF. Thanks for years of entertainment. Sometimes you were good, sometimes you were bad, and sometimes I just didn't care. But it's been a fun ride, and I'm glad we got to spend some evenings together. And remember, we'll always have fanfic.

21 January 2002
Four Hours of Sleep in Two Days + Grocery Store = Confusion

I went to the grocery store today. I needed spray gel.

I stood there, in the middle of the hair care aisle, trying to remember the name of the brand I usually get. "G...it's G-something, G, G, Gold! That's right, Gold-something, Gold...ING! Golding! William Golding!"

Yes. I spent a good two minutes looking for William Golding spray gel.

Insert boar's head joke here: ____________

8 January 2002
Rant, rant, rant!

Ah, at last I have an entry that epitomizes the reason for a blog. Today's topic, class, is "Originality in Fanfiction Part I: Original Characters Don't Make it Original."

I've stated before that I have no real interest in OFC- or OMC-centric fanfics. If I wanted to read about original characters, I'd buy a book. I read fanfiction because I want to read about characters I love, not because I want to read about a character I don't know. I especially don't read it because I want to read about the author getting it on with one of the canon characters via an OFC/OMC. (Disclaimer: there are several wonderful fanfics out there that include original characters. I have enjoyed many of them. What I don't enjoy are those fanfics that focus on the original characters. Original characters should augment the canon characters, not supersede them. For me to enjoy them, at least.)

Right, we've established this. So. So? So, I usually avoid any and all fanfics with a summary that runs along the lines of "Link meets a new and mysterious girl...", or "Fifty years after the events in OOT, the descendants of..." and all is well. But sometimes I read comments or posts made by authors of OFC fiction, and I get really pissed off. Why? Because they seem to think that simply having an OFC makes them more original than those of us who write with the canon characters. The tenth review (counting from the bottom up) on this page at FFN is a good example of those kind of statements. It's not actually a review of the story; it's a post by the author in response to previous reviews.

I quote: "What I have done is not old, it is more original then the redone, repackaged cannon couples stories. Those stories in my opinion are dull and capital B-oring! I have read so many of those; I can now mainly tell the authors are practically copying each other, and predict the outcomes of each one."

Hmm, yes, and it's so hard to predict the outcome of an OFC (*cough*MarySue*cough*) fic.

Side note: if you look through her description of her OFC in her author bio, you'll see that the OFC has all of the traits of a Mary Sue. Her purported flaws aren't character flaws, and anyone with half of a brain could see that. She's overly protective of the man she loves. Oooh, there's a real flaw. Let's see, another imperfection--and may I interject that I adore the air quotes?--is that the Princess Zelda doesn't like her at first because this OFC is just a peasant. And please note that it's Zelda's "cold-heartedness" that is the problem here, not anything about Jenna's character. Cold-hearted? That's a flaw. Why? Because it obviously causes the poor little OFC some pain, and I'm wiling to bet it makes the other characters see Zelda (that cold-hearted bitch!) in a less than favorable light. The reactions of the other characters are key, here. PEOPLE! If the other characters in your story do not react negatively to a character trait, then they must not consider that trait a flaw, and so, within the realm of your story, your character is not flawed.

But I digress.

Back to the point: originality. Basically, what this girl is saying that she has an OFC, and her story is, ipso facto, more original than one that does not.

Two words: Bull and Shit.

And yet, if you browse through FFN, you'll see many an author's note that says essentially the same thing. Yes, yes, I know that FFN contains the largest number of the lowest of the low, but if you browse independent fanfic sites on the web, you'll run across this argument. Actually, it's not limited to OFC/OMC fiction, either. You'll find it used to justify all sorts of canonically- incorrect pairings in romantic fanfic. "My fic is original because it's not a typical pairing! Go me!" (Interestingly enough, many authors who write fics containing very common yaoi pairings still believe they can wave the big banner of originality. They believe they're thinking--if I may go e-business consultant on you for a moment--outside of the box. Riiight. Obviously, they have read no fics beside their own. But such squealing comes almost uniformly from teenieboppers who write strong-male-character- turned-weepy-14-year-old-trembling-virgin-falls-in-love-with-another-man-and-spends-hours-angsting-over-it fics, so they're a lost cause anyway.)

What these folks fail to realize is that there's more to a fanfic than simply who's paired with whom. You have to have characterization. You have to have a plot (well, we'll all forgive pwps, because they're so much fun). You have to have some kind of theme or message (even pwps have these). Otherwise, it doesn't matter who characters A and B are supposed to be--they could be anybody. And that defeats the purpose of fanfiction (and interesting fiction in general). Cliched, melodramatic, Link/Zelda smut chock full o' purple prose is no different from cliched, melodramatic Link/OFC/OMC smut chock full o' purple prose. Newsflash! Names are just labels. Physical descriptions do nothing more than provide empty shells. If your precious original character doesn't have any kind of character, then there's probably nothing original about her. If the things your original character does over the course of the story are the same as the things five thousand other original characters have done before, then there's nothing original about what she does. And if your story does not explore any heretofore unexplored theme, then there's nothing original about it.

I shouldn't get so pissed about this, but I do. It doesn't keep me up at nights (and if it did, you wouldn't hear about it because I'd have gone and jumped off a bridge to end the incredibly pathetic farce that my life had become), but it aggravates me. I try to make each of my works say something interesting. I try to give the realm of LoZ fanfic something new. To think that someone is dismissing it as unoriginal simply because of the pairing used is maddening. It's also more proof that the world is teeming with idiots.

Want to be original?

Write something about characters who come across as real people.

Tell me something new about them over the course of the story.

And get your damn OFC the hell out of my Hyrule!

3 January 2001
It's Angst-o-Riffic!

Forgive me, Father, for I have written an introspective fic. For someone who's more comfortable with (and better at) writing goofy fics, this is a very scary thing indeed. No doubt I will look back upon this sucker in a few years and be very embarrassed. But enough worrying about tomorrow! Let us just enjoy today. Or something.

Comments? Criticism? Confusion? Let me know.

1 January 2002
Ze Art! Ze Art!

At last, proof and more proof that I'm not lying when say I'm no artiste. Hey, something's gotta keep me humble, right?

1 January 2002
A New Year

Well, 2001 is finally gone. Good riddance.

I had a very deep, very thoughtful entry all planned out in my head reflecting upon the year and all that has passed. But at some point while I was goofing around last night, I completely forgot what it was. It's probably just as well--what could I possibly say about 2001 that hasn't already been said? What platitude could possibly encompass all that has happened to us in the US? What words could I ever give to the people who have lost so much this year?

Truth is, there's nothing I can say that would make a damn bit of difference.

Live life.

Love life.

Happy 2002.

30 December 2001
XF Reruns and Much Ado About Doggett

So I'm watching "Via Negativa" for the first time (I skipped the first half of Season 8 because I was bitter about Duchovny heading for the hills, but was roped into the second half when I learned to stop worrying and love the Doggett), and I'm reminded why I fell in love with Doggett in the first place. He could be me talking to Chris "Crack! Fun for All!" Carter: So you're tryin' to tell me that... and alien mumbo-jumbo and I'm supposed to believe that.... Doggett asks the questions I've always wanted to, yet haven't because I don't have CC's phone number.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I will always loooove Mulder. But I fell in love with Doggett because he's not Mulder. Variety, after all, is the spice of life. And never let it be said that I don't appreciate the antics of two "Manly, Manly Men".

Of course, while messed-up lust/love/hate Mulder/Krycek is the most beautiful of pairings and Doggett and Skinner are MFEO, I think I need to find some good Mulder/Doggett. Yeah, yeah, canon and IC and trying not to go AU and all that shiznitz is good...but, dammit, I'm shallow and I need it!

29 December 2001
And Speaking of Gillian Anderson...

Damn.

29 December 2001
Questions, Questions.

If "A canter is a cure for every evil" (Disraeli), does Bitch Mare's insistence on bucking for every canter transition a sign that she wishes to remain evil?

If a fanfic author insists that she looooves yaoi because it's normal for straight girls and doesn't like yuri because she's not a lesbian, does writing a story in which the main character gets raped in every single chapter mean that she suffers from rape fantasies? (I recommend asking this of all such authors--it's really fun to watch them implode when confronted with their own excuse for logic.)

Speaking of same-sex pairings, why is it so hard for me to find good Scullyslash? (Here's the place where you send me recs, folks.)

Speaking of Scully, does anyone else think that it was really dumb of her to think that having a baby would be a good idea, given what she knew about the impending alien invasion? And what about that whole government conspiracy thing? Why am I so bitter about little WillJu? (Yeah, he's not a junior, but WillJu sounds so cool.)

And finally: is this a really, really awful Mulder/Skinner slashfic or a really, really subtle parody of really, really awful Mulder/Skinner slash?

26 December 2001
Website Overhaul

It's been a long time coming, but I finally consolidated my various Yahoo handles (don't ask--the answer is long and involves a lot of venting about vanishing e-mail) and came up with a website layout I can actually stand. I'm far from being an HTML master, but I try. And if you ever hear me gripe about the window ads, kick me. It's one of those things I must accept if I'm going to be too cheap to pay for hosting.

Anyway, it's pretty much set to go. The only section sans any content is the shrine to Bitch Mare, but there is a cute picture of her face. Don't be fooled by the sweet expression! She's a bitch and a half, which is why I love her.

Horsies? Happy ponies? Bah! Give me an opinionated bitch any day.

23 December 2001
And God Said, "Let There be an LoZ FFML"

And it was good. Or at least, it will be. I hope.

Seriously, Jules and I finally got sick of bitching about all of the bad, bad LoZ fanfiction out there and created a mailing list as a way of dealing with the problem.

The hope is that this will be a place for folks to post fic that they care about and want constructive feedback for, as well as a place for people to find fic that has had a little effort put into it. Additionally, it'll be a place for those folks who don't have their own webpages and don't want to subject their stories to the madness that is FFN to post their stories.

Of course, we did the unthinkable and implemented an age limit. And again, the masses ask why. Well, why not?

Let's be clear here. I have nothing against young folks. I'm relatively young myself (and enjoying it to no end, I admit). I was an adolescent once. It's precisely because I was an adolescent that I don't want to read fic by adolescents. (Disclaimer: there are adolescents out there who do write fic that I enjoy. I'm speaking in very broad, very general, very stereotypical terms here.) A lot of fic written by younger folks deals with issues that younger folks are struggling with. Teenage romance, anyone? Quite frankly, I'm not interested in reading about two young characters exploring what it means to "like someone in that way" for the first time. I want to read romance that deals with all of the issues adults face--conflicting loyalties, conflicting senses of identity, the need for independence in the face of the need for one's loved one, etc.... And let's not even get me started on the teenage idea of angst (aka "copious navel-gazing and weeping over a lost sandwich"). Pur-leeze.

But beyond simply the issues that members of each age groups is likely to explore in a fic, there's the matter of the kind of life experience that members of each age group can bring to a fic. (Disclaimer 2: at there are people younger than me who have experienced more. But still.) On the whole, the older you get, the more experience you've had with people, relationships, and the english language. C'mon, admit it. When you look at something you wrote four years ago, shivers of disgust run down your spine, right? Your writing (note: your writing is a separate thing from yourself as a person--yet another realization that comes with time and maturity) sucked, if only because you hadn't, at that point, had much experience at it. As each year passes, you learn something new and your skill increases.

I just don't want to adolescent issues and lack of experience. So there.

22 December 2001
Brief Fanfic-Related Thought of the Day

I just realized something.

Original-character-centric fanfiction bores me. I mean, it goes without saying that Mary Sue is a crime against humanity, but I just can't bring myself to care about any canon male/OFC or canon female/OMC fiction (beautiful Scullyslash like this being the notable exception). And as of today, I've realized that, with yet another notable exception, I don't enjoy stories about original characters set in canon settings. I've tried and tried to be a good little reader and get through them, but about six paragraphs in, I realize that:

I just don't care.

If I wanted to read about original characters, I'd go to a bookstore.

... That was freeing. In other news, the local UPN station tells me that Richard Gere is King David. Well, if UPN says so....

20 December 2001
Lovebots in Disguise?

Thanks to the Fic Bitches (whom I love and adore and thank profusely for speaking for many of us long-suffering fanfiction readers), I have learned of the existence of something exceedingly disturbing: Erotic Transformers Fic.

...I can't believe I just typed "erotic" and "Transformers" in the same sentence.

Okay, okay, I know what you're saying. "This surprises you? What rock have you been living under? Didn't you know that there's every possible kind of fanfiction for every possible fandom out there?" Well, yeah, I knew it. Hell, I've not only known it, but I've experienced it and inflicted it on other people (note to J-dog: I feel no remorse). But nonetheless, I was taken aback.

The existence of such fic puzzles me on so many levels. It also begs the following questions:

-Why?
-Er…how?
-Does a robot have a soul?
-Does it weep when it wakes up the morning after and finds itself alone?

I could go on to make bad jokes about how this gives a new meaning to the name "Starscream" or hold this up as an example of how you really can find anything on the web, or even make some deep point about how everyone has to float his own boat and if writing robolove does it for you, well then there ya go. But I won't. Instead, I'll leave you with the following:

20 December 2001.
Well, I Did It.

Seems only yesterday that I was complaining to my father about how everyone and his neighbor seems to think that the mere fact that he has a modem and an ISP makes his opinion matter. And, I told mon pere, God put me on this earth for the sole purpose of disabusing folks of that silly notion.

...because, of course, only my opinion matters, right?

*crickets chirp*

All right, then. Welcome to bloggervana.